Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
