He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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