Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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