someone threw a dead crab at me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
