First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
