i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
