We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
