dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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