He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
