I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
