Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize