I'm gonna have a badass scar
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
