Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
