I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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