I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
