Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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