I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
