i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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