his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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