It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
