what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
worst night to have a conscience
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
