I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
