Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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