Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
