I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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