is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
