you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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