All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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