tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
