I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
