come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
