You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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