where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
