Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
