so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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