my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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