This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
