Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
