found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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