k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
