Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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