They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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