so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
