I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
