Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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