i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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