Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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