your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
