I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
