i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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