I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
