I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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