i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
