Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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