I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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