So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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