KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
