i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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