This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
