Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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