I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So many bounce houses so little time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
