Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
