i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
