So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
