I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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