Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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