Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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