my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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