I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
