I wish my penis had an off switch
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
