I think im going to throw up on grandma
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
