the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
