You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
