So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
