I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
