I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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