I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize