i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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